Tweet story by @MissionArtist



Putin: Knock, knock

Ukraine: Who's there?


Putin who?

I'm puttin' you back in Russia

Sorry there's no one home right now

Go away.


Ukraine: Our ex keeps trying to get me back.

Poland: I know, he keeps trying with me, too!

Baltic Republics: Buy some NATO pepper spray.


Czech Republic: They worked me over pretty good that time I tried to break up in '68.

Bulgaria: Next time call 911 Rapid Alliance Response.


Romania and Hungary: What's that number again?


Georgia: Yeah, he tried to get me by force in 2007 but just took a few chunks as a warning.

Slovakia: Who does he think he is? Adolph Hitler?


Ukraine: He's tricky, that Putin. One night over dinner he asked me to sign a membership document to join the "EU". I said sure, love to. But

after I signed and read the fine print I saw EU means Eurasian Union, his new version of the Soviet Union. I tried to back out & he invaded me.


All of western Ukraine belonged for centuries to either Poland or the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Their history is completely European.

Ukraine: How my supposed Uncle Russia got custody of me when I was younger, I'll never know, he's not my real uncle!

Poland: Don't you remember, Ukraine? "Uncle" Russia took you against your will and kept you enslaved and hungry and abused you for decades.

Moldova: My poor big sister, I'm so sad that happened to you. Wait - I hear the phone ringing - I think it's him! Don't pick up the phone!


This has been "The Break Up" (of the Soviet Union)

The End

Disclaimer: any resemblance to worlds either real or imagined are not purely coincidental.

PS: Putin insists they all still love him.

Stay tuned for more Breaking Up News As It Breaks!


As tweeted by @MissionArtist on Feb. 28, 2014




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