Putin: Knock, knock
Ukraine: Who's there?
I'm puttin' you back in Russia
Sorry there's no one home right now
Ukraine: Our ex keeps trying to get
Poland: I know, he keeps trying with
Baltic Republics: Buy some NATO pepper
Czech Republic: They worked me over
pretty good that time I tried to break up in '68.
Bulgaria: Next time call 911 Rapid
Romania and Hungary: What's that
Georgia: Yeah, he tried to get me
by force in 2007 but just took a few chunks as a warning.
Slovakia: Who does he think he is?
Ukraine: He's tricky, that Putin.
One night over dinner he asked me to sign a membership document
to join the "EU". I said sure, love to. But
after I signed and read the fine
print I saw EU means Eurasian Union, his new version of the Soviet
Union. I tried to back out & he invaded me.
All of western Ukraine belonged for
centuries to either Poland or the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Their
history is completely European.
Ukraine: How my supposed Uncle Russia
got custody of me when I was younger, I'll never know, he's not
my real uncle!
Poland: Don't you remember, Ukraine?
"Uncle" Russia took you against your will and kept
you enslaved and hungry and abused you for decades.
Moldova: My poor big sister, I'm
so sad that happened to you. Wait - I hear the phone ringing
- I think it's him! Don't pick up the phone!
This has been "The Break Up"
(of the Soviet Union)
Disclaimer: any resemblance to worlds
either real or imagined are not purely coincidental.
PS: Putin insists they all still
Stay tuned for more Breaking Up News
As It Breaks!