ASTRONAUT TRAINING TIPS
Astronaut training tip #1: things
that go seriously wrong on your space vehicle are not necessarily
"melt downs". They may melt up.
If you prefer good, old-fashioned
"melt downs" simply rotate yourself in zero G 180 degrees
to keep your preferred familiar orientation.
Astronaut training tip #2: don't
let your giggling spells continue too long like in the movie
Mary Poppins. Zero G is not a laughing matter.
Astronaut training #3: it's essential
to put your initials on ALL of your personal belongings. Management
is not responsible for lost items.
Astronaut training tip #4: rookies,
pay attention: don't forget this important acronym: WHIISSSIISS
aka "What Happens In ISS Stays In ISS"
Astronaut training 5: be prepared
for practical jokes from mission control, e.g., the morning the
crew awoke to a control room manned by apes.
Re: tip #5: time dilation on board
the ISS is way too small for a Planet of the Apes scenario. Repeat:
it is impossible at current ISS speed.
Astronaut training #6: you may be
suddenly infatuated with a fellow crew member. It's OK to say
you think they are "aesthetically pleasing".
Astronaut training tip #7: NASA has
a ZERO tolerance policy against initiation gags & hazing
of rookie international spacewalkers.
Re: tip #7: all incidents of this
behavior will be thoroughly investigated and the guilty party
may lose spacewalking privileges.