ASTRONAUT TRAINING TIPS

Astronaut training tip #1: things that go seriously wrong on your space vehicle are not necessarily "melt downs". They may melt up.

If you prefer good, old-fashioned "melt downs" simply rotate yourself in zero G 180 degrees to keep your preferred familiar orientation.

Astronaut training tip #2: don't let your giggling spells continue too long like in the movie Mary Poppins. Zero G is not a laughing matter.

Astronaut training #3: it's essential to put your initials on ALL of your personal belongings. Management is not responsible for lost items.

Astronaut training tip #4: rookies, pay attention: don't forget this important acronym: WHIISSSIISS aka "What Happens In ISS Stays In ISS"

Astronaut training 5: be prepared for practical jokes from mission control, e.g., the morning the crew awoke to a control room manned by apes.

Re: tip #5: time dilation on board the ISS is way too small for a Planet of the Apes scenario. Repeat: it is impossible at current ISS speed.

Astronaut training #6: you may be suddenly infatuated with a fellow crew member. It's OK to say you think they are "aesthetically pleasing".

Astronaut training tip #7: NASA has a ZERO tolerance policy against initiation gags & hazing of rookie international spacewalkers.

Re: tip #7: all incidents of this behavior will be thoroughly investigated and the guilty party may lose spacewalking privileges.